If there's one thing that automatically makes me think of Autumn it's pumpkins.  As soon as you see all the pumpkin spiced goodies hitting stores and seeing the well known large orange winter squashes everywhere you know it's Autumn.  I've always seen pictures of pumpkin patches and heard about them but never actually been to one myself.  Pumpkin picking isn't quite that common here in England, but when my sister mentioned there was a farm a 15 min drive away and asked if I would like to go with her and my nephew I decided to put my brave head on and fight my anxiety to go and try something new.

 From the moment I agreed to going I felt super anxious... I got the hot flushes, racing heart, feeling sick, breathlessness, stomach flips... but I was determined to push through.  Fighting my anxiety is so hard but it's the only way to get my life back.  I tried to control my breathing and not let it get the better of me, using positive affirmations such as "I can do this" "It's only anxiety" "I am stronger than my anxiety" "This too shall pass" "These are only feelings, they can do no harm", focusing on the task and my nephew rather than my feelings and what was going on around me.  I really struggle with my anxiety when there are strangers around, I always worry that I will be judged if I have a panic attack or that people will stare.  Luckily we picked a fairly quiet day to go, so I felt like I could cope with the feelings.  They never fully left me but they did gradually weaken the longer I was there and I was able to run around with my nephew rather than breaking down in tears and leaving after five minutes.  Dealing with all these symptoms and using every ounce of energy to overcome them is exhausting, so after an hour and a half I was more than ready to leave with my souvenir pumpkin.

I promise my next post will be less focused on my anxiety, but the whole reason I decided to open up about my anxiety on here is so I could be more honest and help others.  I also wanted to be able to do posts on what I'm doing to aid my recovery so that when I look back I can see how far I have come, because if you'd told me a few months ago I'd be somewhere unfamiliar running around a pumpkin patch I would not have believed you!  There is finally a speck of light at the end of the tunnel.

Having never tried pumpkin before, I decided that this Halloween I was going to bake something that incorporates pumpkin into the recipe.  I wanted to do something more fun than a traditional pumpkin pie so I thought I'd give a pumpkin spiced cake a go and turn it into this pumpkin shaped piñata cake, filled with a super yummy honey and cinnamon buttercream and stuffed with sweets in the middle.  Pumpkin isn't really very big here in England so I apologise that the cake recipe will be in cups whilst the rest of the recipe will be in grams, but if you don't have any measuring cups there are several conversion charts online and vice versa if you only use measuring cups.

You Will Need:

1 or 2 bundt tins

Orange Fondant (approx 750g)

Green Fondant

Black Fondant

Sweets

For The Cake:

2 cups Unsalted Butter

2 1/2 cups Caster Sugar

5 cups Plain Flour

4 tsp Baking Powder

2 tsp Bicarbonate of Soda

4 tsp Cinnamon

1 tsp Nutmeg

1 tsp Ginger

1/2 tsp Ground Cloves

1 tsp Salt

2 cans Pumpkin Puree

1 1/2 cups Buttermilk

2 tsp Vanilla Extract

6 Eggs

For The Buttercream:

250g Unsalted Butter

480g Icing Sugar

4 tbsp Milk

1 1/2 tsp Cinnamon

2-3 tbsp Honey

Method

1. Pre-heat the oven to 350°F/170°C and grease your bundt tins and lightly coat with a dusting of plain flour.

2. Using a freestanding mixer beat together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy.

3. In a large bowl mix together the flour, baking powder, bicarbonate of soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, cloves and salt.

4. In another large bowl mix together the pumpkin puree, buttermilk and vanilla essence.

5. Add the eggs to the butter and sugar mixture and beat for a minute until fully combined.

6. Reduce the mixer speed to low and add a quarter of the flour mixture until combined, followed by a third of the pumpkin mixture and so on alternating until it is all combined.  You should be left with a fairly thick batter, be sure not to overheat.

7.  Split the mixture between your two bundt tins (if you only have one in fill it with half the mixure and leave the rest to stand in the bowl, giving it a good stir before you fill the tin for the second layer) and bake in the oven for 55 mins-1 hour until a skewer comes out clean.

8. Whilst the cakes are cooling make the buttercream, start by whisking the butter for a few minutes until pale and creamy.

9. Add half the icing mixture and whisk until fully combined.

10.  Add the milk and whisk, followed by the rest of the icing sugar, mix well until you have a light and creamy buttercream.

11. Add the cinnamon and mix, then add the honey according to how sweet you'd like your buttercream to be.

12. Once the cakes are fully cooled, place the bottom layer on your cake stand or board and spread the top with a generous amount of buttercream.  Place the second layer on top and cover with the rest of the buttercream.

13. Fill the hole in the centre with sweets of your choice, I opted for some halloween themed sweets.

14. Once the buttercream has set slightly cover the cake with the orange fondant.

15. Roll some green fondant into a ball until smooth and shape into a stem, brush the bottom with a little water and place on top. 

16. Roll out some black fondant and cut out the shapes for your pumpkin face, leave to dry slightly, then brush with a little water and place them on the front of the pumpkin.

I'd love to see if you give this cake a try or what your favourite Halloween treats are, so be sure to tag me on Instagram here or Twitter here.