Forget Me Not


I have a few posts planned but I thought after it being so long since I last posted I would do a little update.  If I'm being completely honest I have been struggling the last few weeks with my self confidence and anxiety and just haven't had the confidence to post.  So I've taken a bit of time out to spend with family and friends and just work on rebuilding my confidence.  I feel like since my nan died I have kind of let myself slip slightly, no longer exercising or eating well which unsurprisingly has lead to me putting on a little bit of weight and also worsened my anxiety, both knocking my confidence.  It is not until now that I have realised how much of an impact my diet and exercise has had on my anxiety, it had really helped and I think feeling more in shape gave me a boost of confidence which also helped my anxiety.  I've never really been one of those "your body is a temple" types but it really does amaze me the effects the food you eat can have not only on your body but your moods and emotions too.  As today is Bank Holiday Monday I am having one last day of lazing around with my dogs and from tomorrow I'm going to get back into my routine of exercise and write up a meal plan for the rest of the week.

If you follow me on instagram you will have probably already seen, but a few weeks ago I got a little forget me not tattoo in memory of my nan.  The picture above was when it was fresh but it is all healed now and I absolutely love it.  Every time I look at it I think of my nan and it makes me smile.  I've never been a fan of colour tattoos but when I decided I wanted to get some forget me nots I knew I wanted them to be in colour so they would look bright, as my nan could light up any room.  I have to admit I am now a convert and have a newfound love for colour tattoos.  It's weird to think that I now have three tattoos when this time last year I could barely step into a shop let alone step into a tattoo shop and let someone poke a needle into my arm for an hour.  I think that's why I kind of like writing these types of posts as it allows me to reflect on how far I've come, and realise even when I'm having a little dip in the rollercoaster of life I can cope with it much better than I think I am able to and looking back I am dealing with recent events much better than I used to.  Take for example, to cut a long story short, my mum and dad went away on holiday and I went with my sister to check on my grandad to find his flat empty.  We spent at least two hours ringing round hospitals before we managed to locate him, before I would've been no use whatsoever and would've probably just stood in the corner having a panic attack feeling useless.  I'm not saying it wasn't hard and I didn't have a huge rush of anxiety but I was actually able to make phone calls and help, and this may sound silly to some people but if you've ever had severe social anxiety you will understand how hard it is to make phone calls.  The fact that I actually managed to do it despite my anxiety was a huge step for me.  I just want anyone with anxiety to know that even though you may not feel like you can do it now or even in years time, the strength is inside you to come out the other side and you'll one day be able to do things you never imagined possible.  Everybody has their own mountains and you can't get to the top without climbing them and sometimes you may have to climb back down and find another route to the the top, but one day you'll get there.  This analogy is something I've learnt through therapy and has helped me to understand that we all have our own mountains to climb, and mine just may have a little more obstacles in the way than others, but it doesn't mean I can't get there and sometimes taking a step back and re-evaluating doesn't mean I've failed but is giving my body and mind a break so I am better able to deal with a situation rather than just giving up and going into hibernation.  Mental health is just as important as physical health and it's important that we take just as good care of it.

Hope you are all enjoying this sunny bank holiday weekend :)

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